kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
So many bounce houses so little time
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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