Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
