I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
