i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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