From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
