I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
