even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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