Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I will be naked everywhere
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
