I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize