so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
