u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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