she woke up with a sticky ear
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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