i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i can't believe i had my finger in that
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
