You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
