Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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