i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
