We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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