just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
