My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize