I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
