I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
