I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
