Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
