he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
