I feel like abortions should bother me more
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
