I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
