kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Rumble strips road head = magical
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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