Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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