we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
