he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
