Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Randomize
