# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
