Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
