No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
