He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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