I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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