no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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