I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
