she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
