He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
