Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
