If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
