I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
