i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
