guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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