And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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