they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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