I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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