i will never coherently bang her
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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