I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
