also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
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