shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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