He kissed a someone with a penis
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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