she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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