I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
