i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize