My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
