Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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