i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
