I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
