Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
