i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
