i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
