We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
