Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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