When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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