omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just cropdusted the office
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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