So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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