chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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