do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
How drunk are you?
Completed.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
